I grew up with a strained relationship with my dad. He was an alcoholic and I couldn't understand how he could choose alcohol over his family, so I had a difficult relationship with him. Don't get me wrong I loved him but I struggled with the relationship. He did things wrong, I did things wrong, and we both did things wrong. However in the fall we reconnected and started rebuilding our relationship. He had been diagnosed with cirrosis of the liver 15 years ago. During those years he had ups and downs, and there were many times that God pulled him trough when the doctors said he wouldn't make it. In October we knew he wasn't doing well. He had gotten Saved and also decided to stop dialysis. On Monday night he was alert and talking to us telling me what type of biscuit to bring him the next morning. On Tuesday morning he was alert but sleeping a lot. On Tuesday night on my way to see him God told me it would be the last night. I fought back tears and walked in his room. He was asleep and not alert. I talked to him, held his drink for him, and the only time he was vocal was to tell me that he loved me. Needless to say the tears poured then. I left knowing God had given me an amazing gift. You see I couldn't tell you the last time he had told me that he loved me, but God knew I needed to hear that. On Wednesday morning October 8th we gathered around and watched him pass to Heaven. While it hurt we also knew he was no longer in pain and his suffering was over. While the childhood and ending was scary the memories are what matter the most.
As if that wasn't a big enough lesson for 2014 I also found out that I would be loosing my job. While I knew in July that I would be loosing my job I didn't get confirmation until December 16th. I had been applying for jobs and trying to prepare myself for the future. I would like to say I never panicked but satan made sure that I did a few times. However for the most part I was able to give it to God and know He is working for me! I know God has something amazing in the works for me and stressing isn't going to help me. I still don't have a plan for a job in 2015 but I know God has this and me. I gained some priceless memories and friendships in this job. I have amazing people in my life because of this job. While it is very scary going back into the job hunting process I also wouldn't trade the past 8 years at my job.
I would like to say that through this year I haven't questioned why, but that would be a lie. I would like to say I haven't wondered why me, but that would also be a lie. I would like to say I have acted like a Christian should, but sadly I have to admit that I haven't.
I hope that through endings you can find peace, grace, mercy, and most of all the love of God. He has given me more than I deserve, more than I could imagine, and is still working for me. While "man" may bring me down God holds me up.
Too often we realize when it is too late to trust God and His plans for us not the plans we make. I may not know what will happen in my next beginning but I know God does. I often laugh and say God has a plan He just hasn't sent me the memo yet.
How do you handle endings? What scripture speaks to you about change?
