First of all I want to apologize for not posting anything for a month now. I could say a million reasons, but those would be excuses to not only you but also myself. The truth is that over the past month satan has been attacking me. I have not been sick, I have not been injured, or anything like that. Instead satan attacked me mentally. You see when satan attacks, he takes it serious and does not give in because he is waiting for you to give in. You see he kept attacking waiting for me to give in, and in a way I did.
I felt like I wasn't wanted by employers, I wasn't important to them, or maybe I wasn't the person I had thought I was. You see I had loved my job, I had the best boss and coworkers I could ask for. the sad part is that since I lost my job, I also lost some friends. I had said from the beginning that God had a plan for me, I just didn't know what it was yet. I had this mentality for over 6 months, and never questioned it. Until this past month, and then satan's mental attack started to sound real. I didn't doubt God, I doubted myself. I doubted if I was good enough, smart enough, and honestly if I was enough. I hadn't gotten a job, had some emotional times regarding family, and with Relay For Life I had encountered some issues. Here were three areas that satan saw my weakness and attacked even harder. How ironic that all of this took place around Easter?
Last week I was getting over my pity party, and served my regular service at church helping with the preschool ministry. I was scheduled for one class room, but got moved to a different room. I had always worked with the ages younger than Em because that was my comfort zone. Well, imagine my shock when they moved me to the 4 year old room. Of course the children and wonderful teacher was very welcoming. We were talking about Jesus appearing to people after his death, and how we celebrate him being alive today. So we watched a story, read scripture, and made a craft. While talking about Jesus being alive we had the word alive taped on the floor for the children to hope and spell the word alive. As I stood there watching the children it hit me like a ton of bricks. Alive spelt backwards is evil. WOW from live to evil. I stood there in shock and them explained it to the teacher, both of us stood there staring at the floor. Jesus had put me in this room because he knew exactly what I needed.
Now think back I said I didn't doubt God, I doubted myself. Guess what, that means I was doubting God. God made me, loves me, and has a plan for my life. How can I question who I am without questioning the God that made me? I can't. Psalms 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I am learning more and more about myself everyday, and through that I am also learning more about God. Just remember that when you doubt yourself you are doubting God. Trust him and turn to him.
