"But God"

So I had been out running errands.  As I headed home, I stopped at an intersection and noticed the car across from me had a tag on the front that said "But God".

How often does God tell us something and our response is "but God"?  Now I do not know the person driving the car or their meaning behind the tag, but I could only think of when we question God.  I could question God about why I lost my job, why I haven't found a job, etc.  However, at the end of the day I should never say "but God". God has told me before to speak to someone or to handle a situation a certain way and I will be honest I have said "but God". How many times have you felt God leading you a certain direction and you hesitated, you questioned the direction, or maybe you just pushed that feeling away?  That was you saying "but God".

This view may say or think some of the following:
"But God"
 - doesn't love me
 - put me here
 - left me
 - let this happen to me
 - took my loved one
 - doesn't care
 - doesn't hear me

Now of course there can be two views to this tag.  I do not know that the driver questions God.  Maybe instead it was an answer to a problem.  When we are faced with a hard situation we can say "but God" as in "but God has the answer".  Maybe we do not have the solution, but God does.  Have you been faced with a decision and while you did not know which way to turn you were able to say "but God does".  Maybe the doctor said they can't cure your illness, "but God can".  Maybe you have been in an abusive relationship and have been told that no one loves you, "but God does".  We can either turn to God or trust God.

This view may say or think some of the following:
"But God"
 - loves me
 - uplifts me
 - cares for me
 - wants the best for me
 - shields me
 - has mercy on me
 - has given me more than I ever deserved

As with the tag on the car, it is all about perspective and how we CHOOSE to see things.  We can see an ending as exactly that, or a new beginning.  We can have faith that God has us, or we can doubt His love for us.  In life we often see "but God" as our response to God, not our response to the world about God.  My God loves me, cares for me, uplifts me, holds me in His right hand, and only wants the best for me.  So the next time I am faced with a situation I CHOOSE to trust His plan for me over my plan for myself.  He knows what the future holds and what the plan is for my life.

Which view of "but God" do you have, and does that change based on your life circumstance?

How would you describe yourself?

Take a moment and describe yourself.  If you were talking to someone who had never met you how would you describe yourself? Calm, energetic, clown, full of life, organized, unorganized, optimistic, tall, short, average, fat, skinny, pretty, ugly, not good enough, fun, or any other way you would describe yourself. 

Now think of why you labeled yourself with those words.  Is it something you have dealt with for years, how you see yourself compared to others, or have you been told that you are that way?  We often describe ourselves based on how the world tells us to.  However, that is not an accurate description because you are a child of God.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (1 John 3:1, NIV)

We need to look at how God sees us. Keep in mind that God sent His son to die for us, so how He sees us is way more important than how the world sees us.  

Do you describe yourself based on your sin? (broken, dirty, useless, unworthy, etc)  Maybe you had a bad experience in life and feel that it defines who you are.  Maybe you have struggled with a sin, and can't forgive yourself for choices that you made.  God has forgiven you, and you need to forgive yourself.  I have made bad choices and bad decisions in the past, but if I confess my sin and God can forgive me then I should be able to forgive myself.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9 NIV)

Do you describe yourself based on the world, and how others may see you? (tall, skinny, pretty, fat, ugly, etc) We need to look to God not to man.  Man will let you down time and time again but God will not. 

"In God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me?" (Psalm 56:11 NIV)

Do you describe yourself based on what others have? (poor, jobless, childless, etc) Please do not miss God and your life by wanting what others have.  God has a plan for you and your life.  The plan that God has for you is specific to you, and trust that the plan is what is best for you.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".(Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

Now look back at your list and mark through all of the labels that the world has put on you.  You are made new with God!  

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV)

Isn't that great news?  We do not have to worry about our past, God cleaned the slate when he sent His son to die for us.  Imagine the amount of love that God has for us that He could send His own child to die for us.  Now as you read the Bible and grow closer to God you can see new ways to describe yourself - through God's eyes.

God is where you are

I am participating in a class at church on Beautiful Mess Motherhood for Every Moment. It has been such a blessing and we are only on week two!  This class was perfect timing for me. 

One thing that stuck out to me is that God is where you are. How often have we been in a bad spot and wondered where God was?  We often feel that God has left us during difficult times, but He is always there with us. He may be guiding our steps, showing us something we need to learn about ourselves, or possibly waiting for us to simply turn to Him. He wants to handle our bad moments just as much as He should be praised during our high moments. He isn't just tree when we are floating on clouds but He is also there when we are at our lowest. 

During my journey with infertility I realized that God not only wanted me to learn things about myself but he also wanted me to turn to Him and trust Him with what I was experiencing. He didn't just want to be there for the positive pregnacy test, but He was there for all of the negative pregnancy tests as well. 

With the loss of my Dad God was right there with me as well. He was talking to me, making me move when I didn't want to, and changing my heart. He wasn't just there when my Dad told me that he loved me but He was also there when my dad got upset with me. He was there trough the whole relationship: the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

Are you acknowledging God when He is with you all of the time or just during the high points?  Are you turning to Him during low points? Most of all are you trusting Him trough all of the lows, middles, and highs?  

Jesus loves me!

When I lost my job I told everyone that I would not start to stress until the middle of this month.  I took on the approach that finding a job was now my job.  My husband laughed and said that he would wait until the end of the month before he started stressing.  

Yesterday on the way to daycare I ran across 3 patches of ice, so decided it was safer to come back home.  We played with toys, read books, danced, and made fake snow.  Finally it was nap time, she was tired and so was I.  She wanted me to cuddle her, which of course I didn't hesitate.  She asked me to sing to her, and when I asked what song she was quick to respond "Jesus loves me".  As I began singing she joined in.  I felt as if God knew that was the exact song I not only needed to sing at the moment, but I also needed to hear. 

So today is the 15th, the middle of the month.  I have taken the steps to get insurance coverage, I have submitted my claim for unemployment, and have submitted many applications and resumes.  While I still do not have a job, I do have a peace.  I have the peace that God loves me, and He is working for me.  I am not going to say that there haven't been moments of stress and panic, in fact I had two of those moments this morning.  However, I have a peace knowing that God is working to open a door to an amazing opportunity.  I may not know what this opportunity is yet, but I know it is going to be amazing.  Am I going to stress - no.  Am I going to panic - I hope not.  Am I going to stop looking for a job - no.  Am I going to trust that something amazing is coming - YES!  

While God is working for me I still have to do my end of the work too.  I can't just sit back and say God has this, and not do the work I need to do.  I can't wait for the job to find me.  I can't wait for the opportunity to find me.  I have to do my end of it as well.  Giving the problem to God doesn't mean that our work is finished.  Sometimes giving the problem to God ends up putting more work on us because God shows us things that we need to do.  God works for us, but we have to work for ourselves as well.  God can send us the perfect opportunity but if we do not do the work to maintain it, then we will lose it.

While I am waiting for the blessing, I am also working for the blessing.  I am looking at myself, my work ethic, my budget, my relationship with God, and how I need to improve myself.  Have you ever found that when you give a problem to God He shows you things that you need to work on as well?

A time for everything

I started this post with one direction, but God led me in a different direction.  I was led to the following scripture.

Ecclesiates 3: 1-8

A Time for Everything

1For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

2A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

3A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

4A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

5A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

6A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

7A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

8A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

While I am still trying to find the reason God led me to this scripture, I realize that right now I am going through a a season of life that I know God is blessing me through.  Through this I am being shown who I am, and who the people around me are.  Looking back at the descriptions in the scripture I have been hurt, scattered, searching, and torn in the past couple of months.  God has blessed me with some wonderful people and experiences through this season.  I am being encouraged by some of the most amazing friends, and it amazes me how much I learn about myself when I look at my friends.  I have friends who will uplift me, friends who will encourage me, and friends who are helping me through this season.  I think God is telling me that this is just a season, and it will come to an end.  In the past few months I have lost my dad, lost my job, but I never lost God!  I never try to focus on the negative, so in the past few months I have gained peace regarding my relationship with my dad, gained an understanding of God having a bigger and better plan for me, and gained knowledge of myself.  I have had to look at things about myself that I haven't looked at in a long time.  I was in a place of comfort in life - comfort in my job, comfort in my friendships, comfort in what I was doing.  However, God wanted me to do more.  Reach more people for Him through my job, have Christian healthy meaningful friendships, and do more in life.  I have began taking a class at church regarding parenting to improve how I see myself as a parent.  I have applied for jobs that are completely out of my comfort zone, but I felt like that was what I needed.  I have focused more on my relationship with God and praising Him for all of the blessings in my life.  I could sit here and dwell on the things lost, but oh so much more has been gained.

Again, I may look back this afternoon and see that God was leading me to this scripture for a completely different reason.  However, I now see how this trial I am going through is just a season, and as we all know seasons come to an end.

Life verse

Have you ever picked a verse, memorized it, and focused on it for a difficult time in life?  I had not done this prior to dealing with infertility.  During the infertility journey, I can't even remember how, but I came across Proverbs 3:5 "Trust the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding".  Wow what a verse to step on my toes.

Did you notice that it doesn't say trust your coworker, your boss, your spouse, your doctor, your neighbor, or even your parents?  It says trust the LORD!  How often do we put our trust in man?  And how often does man let us down?  Now think about when the Lord let you down... still thinking aren't you.

Moving on from that it says with ALL your heart.  Not part of it, not a 1/4 of it but ALL of it.  This becomes hard if our trust isn't in the Lord.  If we trust man then we think man will pull us out of the situation, so the Lord only gets part of our trust.  In the end we are let down, broken, and hurt by man and turn back to the Lord.  Why did we ever turn to man over the Lord?  We put our trust in someone else then find ourselves back in the same position.

Why do you think it says not to lean on own understanding?  I think it is because our mind will lead us down a path we don't need to go down.  For example, during infertility my mind went to I did something wrong, I don't deserve a child, and all of these reasons that I wasn't getting pregnant.  Maybe it just wasn't the right timing?  Instead of waiting on God's timing I was trying to make it my own.  Look where my understanding got me.  Upset, wondering what I did wrong, wondering why I was being punished, and looking around at pregnant women wondering why they could have a child and I couldn't.  This past weekend would have been my cousin's birthday, but we lost her to cancer when she was 20 years old.  We do not know why, but I know that God had a plan for her and her life.  There are a lot of things in life that we will not understand, but God has a reason for it.

I believe that God lead me to this verse so that I would realize that He had it ALL under control.  Since that experience this has become my life verse.  I have it written, posted, embroidered, and most of all repeat it to myself very often.  It seems to be valuable for all aspects of life.  I am often praying this verse, even today because I do not want to put the world before God.

What is your life verse?  Why does this verse fit you, and what lead you to this verse?  If you do not have a life verse I encourage you to get one.

How God blessed me through my Daddy

I just wanted to thank you for all of the kind words, thoughts, and prayers as my family lost my Dad.  It was one of the hardest things that I have been through.  However, through it all I knew God was there.  Below is a recount of the past month so it is long.

As many of you know, I did not have a close relationship with my dad but we had started working on our relationship a couple of months ago.  A few weeks ago I took Em to see him (which I had done a few times over the past couple of months) but this trip I was different.  I also took him a letter that I had written to let him know that I forgave him, and love him.  I left the letter to read, but have heard for several that he did in fact read that letter.  I knew that God was giving mydad another chance as well as my self.  My dad had battled cirrhosis for over 15 years, and had been faced with death a lot of times during those years.  At one point he was in a coma and not expected to make it through, but he fought his way out.  During all of those years when God, Salvation, or anything dealing with religion was brought up he would disregard it.

On September 3rd, a wonderful man from my church went to talk to my dad, and my dad was SAVED!  This was such a relief because before that we didn't know where he stood with God.  It has since been said that God gave him chance after chance to be saved and that is why he had been able to fight through the sickness for so long.

On October 3 the doctor decided dialysis was no longer working and said that would be his last treatment.  After an hour of dialysis my dad took himself off and decided to stop dialysis at that point.  The doctors told us that if my dad was unable to make the decision we would have to decide if he went back to the nursing home, or to Hospice House.  Hospice House was full, so we had to plan on the nursing home.  He was taken back to the nursing home on Monday October 6th.

Ray and I took turns visiting but both of us would go at night.  On Monday night (10/6) my dad was alert, talking, and picked up his Bible to read it.  That was the only time in my life I saw my dad read the Bible. He told me when I left that he wanted me to bring him a biscuit the next morning. Side note I also saw a black bear on my way home which tickled me!

October 7 - I took his biscuit by, he was some what alert but nothing like the night before.  He kept going to sleep while I was there, so I left for him to rest.  Ray went around lunch and said he wasn't responding, just sleeping the entire time he was there.  That night Ray asked me if I was okay going by myself so he could have some down time.  On the way there I had a sense come over me that it would be the last night I would be making this trip.  When I got there he was not responsive, and sleeping.  He would begin coughing so I tried to give him some drink, and he couldn't hold the can up to drink from it.  The only time he was vocal that night was to tell me that he loved me!  As soon as I left I sent Steve a text that simply read "it is amazing what God gives you".

Wednesday morning around 2:30 he was transported to Annie Penn Hospital for what the nursing home thought was congestion, but it was the fluid building up in his lungs.  He was never responsive or vocal.  Tony arrived from Florida around 10 am, so all of us and our Grandfather and Uncle were with us.  He passed away peacefully surrounded by family at 12 noon.  

I know some of you wondered about a funeral - my dad decided to donate his body to science so we had no formal funeral.  Once we receive his ashes back we will plan a memorial service.  

Thank you again for all of your thoughts, prayers, and kind words.  This was harder than I ever imagined it being, but I am thankful that God gave myself and my dad another chance before he was called home. Yesterday was 3 months since he passed, and we are beginning to to plan the Memorial Service which we hope he would be proud of.