Lessons from a seashell

One of my favorite places to be is the beach.  When I was younger we would work in tobacco with my grandparents and our payment was a trip to the beach at the end of the season.  This typically meant that we went in August and would stay Thursday through Sunday.  We would play in the pool and the ocean and really enjoy the beach.  As I grew older I began realizing that the beach is where I can truly relax and breathe.

When I got engaged my first thought was a beach wedding.  I doubted that choice a few times, but we both knew that a beach wedding was my dream wedding.  We got married on a cold, rainy, October day, so our plans were changed some.  Instead of the beach wedding we had a beach house wedding and beach pictures the next day.  The end result was amazing of course because it was our wedding day.  Growing up we would go to Myrtle Beach, SC but once we became engaged we started going to the North Carolina coast.  It is more relaxed, more family oriented, and laid back.  Yes, you may have to drive a while if you want the hustle and bustle of entertainment, but my family around me is enough.

Emma is our water girl.  She loves the water, and loves the beach!  She will walk picking up shells, jump in the waves, and end up falling asleep listening to the waves.  This past beach trip was in August, and we went to Oak Island, NC (the same house we were married at).  One day walking on the beach collecting shells I stumbled upon a perfect brown and white shell.  It was beautiful colors, perfect shape, and I was shocked as I picked the shell up.  The shell just crumbled in my hand.  The sand around it was covering all of the imperfections, but once I took it out of that "comfort zone" it crumbled.

How many times do we do that?  People see us with our hair fixed, make-up on, smile on our face, and dressed to impress.  However, once you take all of that away we crumble.  I grew up with a smile on my face, so very few knew about the verbally abusive home I was growing up in. Even a few years ago I would smile and act like everything was perfect when in fact I was crumbling inside at the thought of not having a child due to infertility.  Just a few months ago I would wear a smile so people wouldn't see me crumble during my last days at my job because I knew I was leaving my comfort zone.  During all of these times there were only the very close people who knew me outside of that "comfort zone" and knew I was worried, afraid, and hesitate about what the future holds.  I would try to cover it with a smile, a joke, or just avoid the topic.  Do not get me wrong I know God has a plan for me, I know He is working for me, and I know He is preparing an amazing opportunity for me.  However, I do not know the plan yet and I will admit that is scary at times.

Do you find yourself feeling like the seashell?  Who pulls you from the sand so you are able to crumble and share your feelings with them?  How often do you hide behind the smile, the make-up, the job, the mask of what is really going on?  Do you hide the same way from God that you hide from everyone else?  Do you do that in hopes of people not realizing you are broken?

Joshua 1:9 ""Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Always remember that God is working for you.  Without a test you wouldn't have a testimony, and we all have a testimony for what God has brought us through.  I encourage you not to be like the shell and put forth a front that you are perfect.  Be true to yourself and your feelings!

Responsible

I never make new year resolutions, but I have had a scripture verse that I live by. That verse is Proverbs 3:5 and I often speak that verse, pray that verse, and try to live that verse. This year I read about someone picking a word to live by, so in 2015 I am going to try that. 

On December 12, 2014 I attended a Ladies Night Out at my church, and that event has been such a blessing to my life. We had dinner, praised God, had fellowship, and talked about adversity being our friend. At the end of the evening we exchanged adversity boxes with someone else. I exchanged with a wonderful woman, and that night we chatted for an hour. We have so much in common. We both lost our Fathers in 2014, both are Christian women, and both want to make a difference in the lives of others. 

Also at the end of this event we each received a cross with a word on it. The word I received was responsible. First of all let's take a look at the definition of responsible. 

Responsible means "having an obligation to do something, or having control over or care for someone, as part of one's job or role."  Wow we often think of jobs, family, paying bills, cleaning, and our actions being our responsibility. However with this definition it is our obligation to do things that we have control over. That means anything we have control over not just what our job title is, not just our family role, and not just what we feel we are responsible for. 

With the definition I then wondered what the bible says about responsible. The verse finder had the following under the label responsibility. 

*Responsible people admit their wrongs. It is often very hard to admit our wrong doings. I know I have struggled with this in the past because our pride wants us to be right. In 1 Chrolicles 21:8 David is admiting to God that he sinned and admitting his foolishness. Do we tell God how foolish we have been acting or just try to sweep it under the rug?  

*Responsible people are faithful with what they have been given. God gave each of us a talent. Are we using our talent for God or pushing the talent to the side to satisfy man?  In Matthew 25:14-30 it talks about the Parable of Talents. God gives us talents and want us to use those talents so He can continue to expand upon them. A talent isn't just ability to play a sport, play an instrument, sing, or be the best at everything. Maybe you are very good with children so your talent could be helping the youth. Maybe you are good at organizing and planning so you can help with vacation Bible school or general plans for events. Everyone has a talent we just have to put it to use. 

*People are responsible for their decision about Christ. We all know how true this is. How many of us have prayed that a loved one would accept Jesus and receive Salvation?  How many times have we wished we could accept Jesus for them. But at the end of the day the loved one is the only one who can accept Jesus into their heart and their life. I prayed for my dad to accept Jesus and thankfully he did a month prior to his passing. However that was my dad's responsibility not mine. I was so glad to know that he finally made the responsible choice. 

*Responsible people know their abilities and limitations. Sometimes we like to think we are more able to do something than we are. This can be from your job to your daily schedule. I have learned that there are times I have to say no. I can't do everything and give everything and everyone 100% because the thinner we get spread the less people receive from us. How many parents have their children in school, sports of the season, church youth, and organizations. Then wonder why either the school grades or sports performance fails. They are stretched too thin, and everything can't be thriving. We have to realize our abilities and also recognize when we are reaching our limitations. 

*People are responsible for their own actions. We often hear that everyone is responsible for their actions. Do we truly live by that?  How often do we sin but blame it on someone else. Someone who drinks or does drugs will say society made them, they avoid being sober so they can avoid pain, or their friends pressured them. They are not being responsible for their actions. You may find yourself sinning and then try to justify it. You are not being responsible either. 

After looking at all of this my word for 2015 is responsible. I need to be more responsible with my relationship with God, with my family, with the foods that I eat, with my finances, and with my life as a whole. 

Do you choose a word for the year, if so what is it and why did you pick that word?

Faith catching my attention

Yesterday I started to have a pity party, pulled out my Bible, and prayed to God. I asked Him to guide me to where He wants me to be, where He needs me to shine His light, and for Him to show me.  Of course the doubt knocked on my heart and said but would you really do it. I was quickly reminded of another time I prayed for God to show me what He wanted me to do and I would do it regardless. 

A year ago I had a conflict at work and prayed for God to lead me. I was completely shocked when He told me to talk to the person. I laughed and said ha funny God now really tell me. Time and time again I was told to talk to the person. I walked in the person's office and spoke my heart. Honestly I can't remember what all I said because I was crying. God gave me words to express myself and when I walked out I was in shock that I had just confronted the issue, couldn't remember most of what I said, and had no idea how this would turn out. You see God told me to go talk to the person which was the last thing on my mind because of the hurt I was feeling. Another side note the person was my boss. So imagine how this conversation could have gone if God wasn't behind it. Now if I had not trusted where God was sending me that day or trusting what he was going to have me say things could have ended so differently. Instead we addressed the issue, understood the misunderstanding, and it made our friendship stronger. Multiple times since that date he has apologized to me and I am honest when I tell him not to apologize because it made me a better person. 

So yesterday when I prayed I went into it knowing that God has a plan for me, and is working for me. A little while later I was walking past my dresser and something in my Origami Owl necklace caught my attention. I first thought was another charm had been added to it because of how the shine was coming from a charm. I was caught off guard by the obvious light shining on this one charm. I was relieved when I noticed that the charm reflecting light so much was simply my Faith charm!  I just smiled and said I know. Again I know God has amazing plans for me, and He has already blessed me more than I ever deserved. 

Have you given your problems, worries, and concerns to God?  Not just saying that you have but truly given them?  Not given Him part of them but given all of it to him? I too have been guilty of only giving a portion of my problems to God but only to realize I need to give ALL of it to Him. Scripture tells us that God wants us to give Him our problems, and that He is working for us. 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matt 6:25-27 NIV

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22 NIV

1 Peter 5:7 Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

As you read those verses are you reminded how much God cares for you and what you are going through?  Why do you think it is hard to how your problems to God?

Endings

I am sure you have heard the quote talking about beginnings and endings being scary but what really matter is what happens in the middle. Each time I think of it my mind flashes to the parade scene in the movie Hope Floats. Well 2014 has taught me this lesson time and time again. 

I grew up with a strained relationship with my dad. He was an alcoholic and I couldn't understand how he could choose alcohol over his family, so I had a difficult relationship with him. Don't get me wrong I loved him but I struggled with the relationship. He did things wrong, I did things wrong, and we both did things wrong. However in the fall we reconnected and started rebuilding our relationship. He had been diagnosed with cirrosis of the liver 15 years ago. During those years he had ups and downs, and there were many times that God pulled him trough when the doctors said he wouldn't make it. In October we knew he wasn't doing well. He had gotten Saved and also decided to stop dialysis.  On Monday night he was alert and talking to us telling me what type of biscuit to bring him the next morning. On Tuesday morning he was alert but sleeping a lot. On Tuesday night on my way to see him God told me it would be the last night. I fought back tears and walked in his room. He was asleep and not alert. I talked to him, held his drink for him, and the only time he was vocal was to tell me that he loved me. Needless to say the tears poured then. I left knowing God had given me an amazing gift. You see I couldn't tell you the last time he had told me that he loved me, but God knew I needed to hear that. On Wednesday morning October 8th we gathered around and watched him pass to Heaven.   While it hurt we also knew he was no longer in pain and his suffering was over. While the childhood and ending was scary the memories are what matter the most. 

As if that wasn't a big enough lesson for 2014 I also found out that I would be loosing my job. While I knew in July that I would be loosing my job I didn't get confirmation until December 16th. I had been applying for jobs and trying to prepare myself for the future. I would like to say I never panicked but satan made sure that I did a few times. However for the most part I was able to give it to God and know He is working for me!  I know God has something amazing in the works for me and stressing isn't going to help me. I still don't have a plan for a job in 2015 but I know God has this and me.  I gained some priceless memories and friendships in this job. I have amazing people in my life because of this job. While it is very scary going back into the job hunting process I also wouldn't trade the past 8 years at my job. 

I would like to say that through this year I haven't questioned why, but that would be a lie. I would like to say I haven't wondered why me, but that would also be a lie. I would like to say I have acted like a Christian should, but sadly I have to admit that I haven't. 

I hope that through endings you can find peace, grace, mercy, and most of all the love of God. He has given me more than I deserve, more than I could imagine, and is still working for me. While "man" may bring me down God holds me up. 

Too often we realize when it is too late to trust  God and His plans for us not the plans we make. I may not know what will happen in my next beginning but I know God does. I often laugh and say God has a plan He just hasn't sent me the memo yet. 

How do you handle endings? What scripture speaks to you about change? 

#priceless

It is amazing how the closer you get to God the more satan attacks and makes you question yourself.  Maybe it is your job, your spouse, your parenting, your life, your friends, or yourself as a whole that you question.  Regardless satan will do something to raise your insecurity and doubt.  I have had this happen time and time again.  Sadly enough I have friends who have encountered the same obstacles as they try to get closer to God.  What is even sadder is how many people will stop trying to get closer to God because of the self doubt and trickery that satan plays.  During those times we have to remember that God's love for us is stronger than we could ever imagine.

While going through the Bible Study of Confident Heart I realize that while I need to work through this for myself I also need to work through it for my daughter.  It is strange that I am like it is okay for me to have self-doubt and insecurity but I do not want my daughter to have those same feelings.  Hmm, guess what just like I do not want my child to have those feelings, God doesn't want me to have those feelings.  When I was thinking of my love for my child, and not wanting her to ever doubt who she is or why God made her, God asked me why I question those things then - not about her but about myself.  I need to work on myself so that I can be that example for my daughter.  God's love for me is priceless and I am priceless to Him.  Look at the price that he paid for me! (and you)!  When you read about His love for us and how He wants us to be in peace you realize just how priceless we are.  Maybe we aren't what society thinks is perfect, maybe we wish we were better at things, or maybe we just want to be accepted by others.  Isn't it more important to accept God and make our life what He wants it to be?

I often find myself comparing myself to others and what they may want me to be.  I have decided that those opinions do not matter any longer.  What matters is that my focus is on God and the life He has planned for me.  I still have low moments but thanks to my no fail pail that will be changing as well.  I want to be more secure in God than in mankind.  If you put your hope in mankind you will be let down time and time again, but God is never changing.  God's love for me is priceless and I am priceless in His eyes.  That should be all that matters!

Story behind blog name of Miracle Fortitude

Definition of miracle - a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.

Definition of fortitude - courage in pain or adversity.

So a little while back I decided to start a blog about dealing with infertility and parenting after infertility. That blog is directed towards those two topics. However I couldn't decide on a name and narrowed it down to Treasuring Our Blessing and Miracle Fortitude. I decided to set up a blog under both names, but later decided to use Treasuring Our Blessing to talk about our journey with infertility and parenting. 

Something told me to keep this one for something in the future. Well, I started an online Bible study on Proverbs 31 on the book Confident Heart. One thing they mention is blog sharing on Thursdays. It hit me that this blog was meant for that. 

So with the definitions above you may be wondering what this has to do with my religion and relationship with God. Well I guess I see it as my journey through life. I grew up in an abusive home with an alcoholic father. Some may see that as their only way of life, and not have a choice to do better than that. To marry someone like their father and carry on the cycle of abuse. I was not and to this day am not close to my father and knew that was not the life for me. During my teenage years I had several bad relationships and some of the guys I dated were like my father. 

I grew up in church, strayed from church, returned to church became very active in the church but something didn't feel right, and I strayed again. I got married and we started trying to start our family. I heard God calling me back to Him and I felt that I needed to get right with Him before starting our family. Little did I know how much I would need that relationship as we started dealing with infertility. I was attending a church where I felt God's presence more than I ever had in the past. I felt Him more and grew closer to Him. I had more conversations with Him than I ever had in the past and felt closer than ever before. While dealing with infertility I heard God speak to me and want me to trust Him. I felt this was the hardest thug for me to do. To completely give this - my possibility of having a child - over to anyone was so hard. God kept asking me to give it to Him.  You can read more about the major conversation I had with God at www.treasuringourblessing.blogspot.com but in the end I gave it to Him. What did I get in return? A healthy, happy, beautiful, baby girl. She is more than I could have ever prayed for and more than I ever imagine she could be. 

So I have been through a lot but my journey with God is still growing and continuing. I can't wait to see what else this life will hold. Regardless I know who holds tomorrow and holds my hand trough this very moment - my Lord and Savior. 

Thank you for reading this and I will share more along the way!