Jesus loves me!

When I lost my job I told everyone that I would not start to stress until the middle of this month.  I took on the approach that finding a job was now my job.  My husband laughed and said that he would wait until the end of the month before he started stressing.  

Yesterday on the way to daycare I ran across 3 patches of ice, so decided it was safer to come back home.  We played with toys, read books, danced, and made fake snow.  Finally it was nap time, she was tired and so was I.  She wanted me to cuddle her, which of course I didn't hesitate.  She asked me to sing to her, and when I asked what song she was quick to respond "Jesus loves me".  As I began singing she joined in.  I felt as if God knew that was the exact song I not only needed to sing at the moment, but I also needed to hear. 

So today is the 15th, the middle of the month.  I have taken the steps to get insurance coverage, I have submitted my claim for unemployment, and have submitted many applications and resumes.  While I still do not have a job, I do have a peace.  I have the peace that God loves me, and He is working for me.  I am not going to say that there haven't been moments of stress and panic, in fact I had two of those moments this morning.  However, I have a peace knowing that God is working to open a door to an amazing opportunity.  I may not know what this opportunity is yet, but I know it is going to be amazing.  Am I going to stress - no.  Am I going to panic - I hope not.  Am I going to stop looking for a job - no.  Am I going to trust that something amazing is coming - YES!  

While God is working for me I still have to do my end of the work too.  I can't just sit back and say God has this, and not do the work I need to do.  I can't wait for the job to find me.  I can't wait for the opportunity to find me.  I have to do my end of it as well.  Giving the problem to God doesn't mean that our work is finished.  Sometimes giving the problem to God ends up putting more work on us because God shows us things that we need to do.  God works for us, but we have to work for ourselves as well.  God can send us the perfect opportunity but if we do not do the work to maintain it, then we will lose it.

While I am waiting for the blessing, I am also working for the blessing.  I am looking at myself, my work ethic, my budget, my relationship with God, and how I need to improve myself.  Have you ever found that when you give a problem to God He shows you things that you need to work on as well?

A time for everything

I started this post with one direction, but God led me in a different direction.  I was led to the following scripture.

Ecclesiates 3: 1-8

A Time for Everything

1For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

2A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

3A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

4A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

5A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

6A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

7A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

8A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

While I am still trying to find the reason God led me to this scripture, I realize that right now I am going through a a season of life that I know God is blessing me through.  Through this I am being shown who I am, and who the people around me are.  Looking back at the descriptions in the scripture I have been hurt, scattered, searching, and torn in the past couple of months.  God has blessed me with some wonderful people and experiences through this season.  I am being encouraged by some of the most amazing friends, and it amazes me how much I learn about myself when I look at my friends.  I have friends who will uplift me, friends who will encourage me, and friends who are helping me through this season.  I think God is telling me that this is just a season, and it will come to an end.  In the past few months I have lost my dad, lost my job, but I never lost God!  I never try to focus on the negative, so in the past few months I have gained peace regarding my relationship with my dad, gained an understanding of God having a bigger and better plan for me, and gained knowledge of myself.  I have had to look at things about myself that I haven't looked at in a long time.  I was in a place of comfort in life - comfort in my job, comfort in my friendships, comfort in what I was doing.  However, God wanted me to do more.  Reach more people for Him through my job, have Christian healthy meaningful friendships, and do more in life.  I have began taking a class at church regarding parenting to improve how I see myself as a parent.  I have applied for jobs that are completely out of my comfort zone, but I felt like that was what I needed.  I have focused more on my relationship with God and praising Him for all of the blessings in my life.  I could sit here and dwell on the things lost, but oh so much more has been gained.

Again, I may look back this afternoon and see that God was leading me to this scripture for a completely different reason.  However, I now see how this trial I am going through is just a season, and as we all know seasons come to an end.

Life verse

Have you ever picked a verse, memorized it, and focused on it for a difficult time in life?  I had not done this prior to dealing with infertility.  During the infertility journey, I can't even remember how, but I came across Proverbs 3:5 "Trust the Lord with all your heart, do not lean on your own understanding".  Wow what a verse to step on my toes.

Did you notice that it doesn't say trust your coworker, your boss, your spouse, your doctor, your neighbor, or even your parents?  It says trust the LORD!  How often do we put our trust in man?  And how often does man let us down?  Now think about when the Lord let you down... still thinking aren't you.

Moving on from that it says with ALL your heart.  Not part of it, not a 1/4 of it but ALL of it.  This becomes hard if our trust isn't in the Lord.  If we trust man then we think man will pull us out of the situation, so the Lord only gets part of our trust.  In the end we are let down, broken, and hurt by man and turn back to the Lord.  Why did we ever turn to man over the Lord?  We put our trust in someone else then find ourselves back in the same position.

Why do you think it says not to lean on own understanding?  I think it is because our mind will lead us down a path we don't need to go down.  For example, during infertility my mind went to I did something wrong, I don't deserve a child, and all of these reasons that I wasn't getting pregnant.  Maybe it just wasn't the right timing?  Instead of waiting on God's timing I was trying to make it my own.  Look where my understanding got me.  Upset, wondering what I did wrong, wondering why I was being punished, and looking around at pregnant women wondering why they could have a child and I couldn't.  This past weekend would have been my cousin's birthday, but we lost her to cancer when she was 20 years old.  We do not know why, but I know that God had a plan for her and her life.  There are a lot of things in life that we will not understand, but God has a reason for it.

I believe that God lead me to this verse so that I would realize that He had it ALL under control.  Since that experience this has become my life verse.  I have it written, posted, embroidered, and most of all repeat it to myself very often.  It seems to be valuable for all aspects of life.  I am often praying this verse, even today because I do not want to put the world before God.

What is your life verse?  Why does this verse fit you, and what lead you to this verse?  If you do not have a life verse I encourage you to get one.

How God blessed me through my Daddy

I just wanted to thank you for all of the kind words, thoughts, and prayers as my family lost my Dad.  It was one of the hardest things that I have been through.  However, through it all I knew God was there.  Below is a recount of the past month so it is long.

As many of you know, I did not have a close relationship with my dad but we had started working on our relationship a couple of months ago.  A few weeks ago I took Em to see him (which I had done a few times over the past couple of months) but this trip I was different.  I also took him a letter that I had written to let him know that I forgave him, and love him.  I left the letter to read, but have heard for several that he did in fact read that letter.  I knew that God was giving mydad another chance as well as my self.  My dad had battled cirrhosis for over 15 years, and had been faced with death a lot of times during those years.  At one point he was in a coma and not expected to make it through, but he fought his way out.  During all of those years when God, Salvation, or anything dealing with religion was brought up he would disregard it.

On September 3rd, a wonderful man from my church went to talk to my dad, and my dad was SAVED!  This was such a relief because before that we didn't know where he stood with God.  It has since been said that God gave him chance after chance to be saved and that is why he had been able to fight through the sickness for so long.

On October 3 the doctor decided dialysis was no longer working and said that would be his last treatment.  After an hour of dialysis my dad took himself off and decided to stop dialysis at that point.  The doctors told us that if my dad was unable to make the decision we would have to decide if he went back to the nursing home, or to Hospice House.  Hospice House was full, so we had to plan on the nursing home.  He was taken back to the nursing home on Monday October 6th.

Ray and I took turns visiting but both of us would go at night.  On Monday night (10/6) my dad was alert, talking, and picked up his Bible to read it.  That was the only time in my life I saw my dad read the Bible. He told me when I left that he wanted me to bring him a biscuit the next morning. Side note I also saw a black bear on my way home which tickled me!

October 7 - I took his biscuit by, he was some what alert but nothing like the night before.  He kept going to sleep while I was there, so I left for him to rest.  Ray went around lunch and said he wasn't responding, just sleeping the entire time he was there.  That night Ray asked me if I was okay going by myself so he could have some down time.  On the way there I had a sense come over me that it would be the last night I would be making this trip.  When I got there he was not responsive, and sleeping.  He would begin coughing so I tried to give him some drink, and he couldn't hold the can up to drink from it.  The only time he was vocal that night was to tell me that he loved me!  As soon as I left I sent Steve a text that simply read "it is amazing what God gives you".

Wednesday morning around 2:30 he was transported to Annie Penn Hospital for what the nursing home thought was congestion, but it was the fluid building up in his lungs.  He was never responsive or vocal.  Tony arrived from Florida around 10 am, so all of us and our Grandfather and Uncle were with us.  He passed away peacefully surrounded by family at 12 noon.  

I know some of you wondered about a funeral - my dad decided to donate his body to science so we had no formal funeral.  Once we receive his ashes back we will plan a memorial service.  

Thank you again for all of your thoughts, prayers, and kind words.  This was harder than I ever imagined it being, but I am thankful that God gave myself and my dad another chance before he was called home. Yesterday was 3 months since he passed, and we are beginning to to plan the Memorial Service which we hope he would be proud of.  

Lessons from a seashell

One of my favorite places to be is the beach.  When I was younger we would work in tobacco with my grandparents and our payment was a trip to the beach at the end of the season.  This typically meant that we went in August and would stay Thursday through Sunday.  We would play in the pool and the ocean and really enjoy the beach.  As I grew older I began realizing that the beach is where I can truly relax and breathe.

When I got engaged my first thought was a beach wedding.  I doubted that choice a few times, but we both knew that a beach wedding was my dream wedding.  We got married on a cold, rainy, October day, so our plans were changed some.  Instead of the beach wedding we had a beach house wedding and beach pictures the next day.  The end result was amazing of course because it was our wedding day.  Growing up we would go to Myrtle Beach, SC but once we became engaged we started going to the North Carolina coast.  It is more relaxed, more family oriented, and laid back.  Yes, you may have to drive a while if you want the hustle and bustle of entertainment, but my family around me is enough.

Emma is our water girl.  She loves the water, and loves the beach!  She will walk picking up shells, jump in the waves, and end up falling asleep listening to the waves.  This past beach trip was in August, and we went to Oak Island, NC (the same house we were married at).  One day walking on the beach collecting shells I stumbled upon a perfect brown and white shell.  It was beautiful colors, perfect shape, and I was shocked as I picked the shell up.  The shell just crumbled in my hand.  The sand around it was covering all of the imperfections, but once I took it out of that "comfort zone" it crumbled.

How many times do we do that?  People see us with our hair fixed, make-up on, smile on our face, and dressed to impress.  However, once you take all of that away we crumble.  I grew up with a smile on my face, so very few knew about the verbally abusive home I was growing up in. Even a few years ago I would smile and act like everything was perfect when in fact I was crumbling inside at the thought of not having a child due to infertility.  Just a few months ago I would wear a smile so people wouldn't see me crumble during my last days at my job because I knew I was leaving my comfort zone.  During all of these times there were only the very close people who knew me outside of that "comfort zone" and knew I was worried, afraid, and hesitate about what the future holds.  I would try to cover it with a smile, a joke, or just avoid the topic.  Do not get me wrong I know God has a plan for me, I know He is working for me, and I know He is preparing an amazing opportunity for me.  However, I do not know the plan yet and I will admit that is scary at times.

Do you find yourself feeling like the seashell?  Who pulls you from the sand so you are able to crumble and share your feelings with them?  How often do you hide behind the smile, the make-up, the job, the mask of what is really going on?  Do you hide the same way from God that you hide from everyone else?  Do you do that in hopes of people not realizing you are broken?

Joshua 1:9 ""Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Always remember that God is working for you.  Without a test you wouldn't have a testimony, and we all have a testimony for what God has brought us through.  I encourage you not to be like the shell and put forth a front that you are perfect.  Be true to yourself and your feelings!

Responsible

I never make new year resolutions, but I have had a scripture verse that I live by. That verse is Proverbs 3:5 and I often speak that verse, pray that verse, and try to live that verse. This year I read about someone picking a word to live by, so in 2015 I am going to try that. 

On December 12, 2014 I attended a Ladies Night Out at my church, and that event has been such a blessing to my life. We had dinner, praised God, had fellowship, and talked about adversity being our friend. At the end of the evening we exchanged adversity boxes with someone else. I exchanged with a wonderful woman, and that night we chatted for an hour. We have so much in common. We both lost our Fathers in 2014, both are Christian women, and both want to make a difference in the lives of others. 

Also at the end of this event we each received a cross with a word on it. The word I received was responsible. First of all let's take a look at the definition of responsible. 

Responsible means "having an obligation to do something, or having control over or care for someone, as part of one's job or role."  Wow we often think of jobs, family, paying bills, cleaning, and our actions being our responsibility. However with this definition it is our obligation to do things that we have control over. That means anything we have control over not just what our job title is, not just our family role, and not just what we feel we are responsible for. 

With the definition I then wondered what the bible says about responsible. The verse finder had the following under the label responsibility. 

*Responsible people admit their wrongs. It is often very hard to admit our wrong doings. I know I have struggled with this in the past because our pride wants us to be right. In 1 Chrolicles 21:8 David is admiting to God that he sinned and admitting his foolishness. Do we tell God how foolish we have been acting or just try to sweep it under the rug?  

*Responsible people are faithful with what they have been given. God gave each of us a talent. Are we using our talent for God or pushing the talent to the side to satisfy man?  In Matthew 25:14-30 it talks about the Parable of Talents. God gives us talents and want us to use those talents so He can continue to expand upon them. A talent isn't just ability to play a sport, play an instrument, sing, or be the best at everything. Maybe you are very good with children so your talent could be helping the youth. Maybe you are good at organizing and planning so you can help with vacation Bible school or general plans for events. Everyone has a talent we just have to put it to use. 

*People are responsible for their decision about Christ. We all know how true this is. How many of us have prayed that a loved one would accept Jesus and receive Salvation?  How many times have we wished we could accept Jesus for them. But at the end of the day the loved one is the only one who can accept Jesus into their heart and their life. I prayed for my dad to accept Jesus and thankfully he did a month prior to his passing. However that was my dad's responsibility not mine. I was so glad to know that he finally made the responsible choice. 

*Responsible people know their abilities and limitations. Sometimes we like to think we are more able to do something than we are. This can be from your job to your daily schedule. I have learned that there are times I have to say no. I can't do everything and give everything and everyone 100% because the thinner we get spread the less people receive from us. How many parents have their children in school, sports of the season, church youth, and organizations. Then wonder why either the school grades or sports performance fails. They are stretched too thin, and everything can't be thriving. We have to realize our abilities and also recognize when we are reaching our limitations. 

*People are responsible for their own actions. We often hear that everyone is responsible for their actions. Do we truly live by that?  How often do we sin but blame it on someone else. Someone who drinks or does drugs will say society made them, they avoid being sober so they can avoid pain, or their friends pressured them. They are not being responsible for their actions. You may find yourself sinning and then try to justify it. You are not being responsible either. 

After looking at all of this my word for 2015 is responsible. I need to be more responsible with my relationship with God, with my family, with the foods that I eat, with my finances, and with my life as a whole. 

Do you choose a word for the year, if so what is it and why did you pick that word?

Faith catching my attention

Yesterday I started to have a pity party, pulled out my Bible, and prayed to God. I asked Him to guide me to where He wants me to be, where He needs me to shine His light, and for Him to show me.  Of course the doubt knocked on my heart and said but would you really do it. I was quickly reminded of another time I prayed for God to show me what He wanted me to do and I would do it regardless. 

A year ago I had a conflict at work and prayed for God to lead me. I was completely shocked when He told me to talk to the person. I laughed and said ha funny God now really tell me. Time and time again I was told to talk to the person. I walked in the person's office and spoke my heart. Honestly I can't remember what all I said because I was crying. God gave me words to express myself and when I walked out I was in shock that I had just confronted the issue, couldn't remember most of what I said, and had no idea how this would turn out. You see God told me to go talk to the person which was the last thing on my mind because of the hurt I was feeling. Another side note the person was my boss. So imagine how this conversation could have gone if God wasn't behind it. Now if I had not trusted where God was sending me that day or trusting what he was going to have me say things could have ended so differently. Instead we addressed the issue, understood the misunderstanding, and it made our friendship stronger. Multiple times since that date he has apologized to me and I am honest when I tell him not to apologize because it made me a better person. 

So yesterday when I prayed I went into it knowing that God has a plan for me, and is working for me. A little while later I was walking past my dresser and something in my Origami Owl necklace caught my attention. I first thought was another charm had been added to it because of how the shine was coming from a charm. I was caught off guard by the obvious light shining on this one charm. I was relieved when I noticed that the charm reflecting light so much was simply my Faith charm!  I just smiled and said I know. Again I know God has amazing plans for me, and He has already blessed me more than I ever deserved. 

Have you given your problems, worries, and concerns to God?  Not just saying that you have but truly given them?  Not given Him part of them but given all of it to him? I too have been guilty of only giving a portion of my problems to God but only to realize I need to give ALL of it to Him. Scripture tells us that God wants us to give Him our problems, and that He is working for us. 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matt 6:25-27 NIV

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22 NIV

1 Peter 5:7 Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

As you read those verses are you reminded how much God cares for you and what you are going through?  Why do you think it is hard to how your problems to God?