The well

Emma often talks about seeing Papa, dreaming of Papa, and wants to pray that God will send him back to us.  While these moments often bring me to tears; I am also so happy that she has such a great love for Papa.

One night she didn't want to go to sleep but wouldn't tell me why.  The next day we were talking about it and she said that she couldn't go to sleep because Papa was jumping on her bed.  I laughed and smiled at the thought that now he is completely healed, and I am sure he would love to be jumping on the bed with Emma.

I never had those type of connections when I was younger, but I have gained more of them over the years.  There have been moments that took my breath away, brought tears to my eyes, or a smile to my face.  I think God sends me those moments as a reminder that God is with me, and that everything is okay.

Yesterday at church we were singing a song and it said something about wanting to drink from the well.  I immediately thought of Pa - he was a plumber.  I remember being little and going with him to "find water" for the well drilling company to drill the well.  He would take a Y shaped stick and walk with it, when the stick turned down then he knew that was the spot to find water.  Of all the times I know of him doing this I do not recall a time that he was wrong.  However, I also thought about him drinking from the well.  He helped the drilling people find water, but he also help everyone else find the well - the well of God.  Imagine us being able to go to the well, and being completely refreshed; not by water but by God.

I know that in my life Pa was often my well - he knew what to say, how to say it, and when to say it.  I knew he was the strong one I could turn to no matter what, and I knew he had my back.  How true is that of our relationship with God?  Do you turn to him, or do you try to handle it yourself?  We often figure out that when we try to handle it the mess increases as well as the stress.  I encourage you to go to the well!  

John 7:37 "If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink"

John 4:14 "Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst"

Forever Pa's Girl

On March 21, 2016 at 2:05 am part of my heart left me.  It was the first time I have ever felt part of my heart leave, as it left to go with Pa to heaven.  I had spent countless hours at the hospital with him the week leading up to this, and I wished I had more hours there.  I would tell him I love him, hold his hand, and talk about special memories.  Those are not only memories, but also moments that I will forever take with me through life.

Left me share a couple of the memories that still bring a smile to my face:

- When I was little we had gone out to eat and I wanted ice cream.  The waitress asked if anyone wanted anything else, and no one said anything.  She came back with the check, and I looked at Pa and said "I wanted ice cream" to which he responded "then you need to learn to speak up".  We will not discuss how many times I feel he regretted telling me to speak up, but I believe he is a huge part of why I speak up now.  Yes, you can thank him for that.

- When I got married I knew I wanted him to give me away.  Before I walked down the steps the song Waiting on a Woman played, and I then walked down the steps to be greeted by Pa standing at the bottom.  He gave me away, and presented my wedding band.  The next day as Steve was waiting on me to get ready, Pa walked up and said "already waiting on her" smiled and walked off.

- Emma was also a Pa's girl.  We told him that we were expecting on his birthday, and he was the most fun when we were getting people to guess her name.  We gave them clues and they were to try to guess her name.  At one point he asked if we were naming her M&M, so after that we would take him different M&M things.  We have a picture of his face as we handed him an M&M Easter egg.  Emma would just sit with him and be with him, and before we left they would always booie head.

As you can see he may have been a man of few words, but goodness the power of that man.  I still find myself feeling like I am in a nightmare that I can't wake up from, but I am doing everything I can to keep his memory alive for Emma.  We have pictures of him, I am making her a book of pictures of him, we have flowers in her room from the funeral, I am drying flowers, and we have his aftershave on one of his handkerchiefs for her to smell.

I am so proud to be Pa's girl, and for Emma to be Papa's girl.  We will see him again, but until then he is watching us!